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10 things every female bartender will understand

Over the past three years of working as a bartender, I’ve heard more than my fair share of inappropriate comments. Some comments, however, are more common than others. So I’ve rounded up a list of the top ten worst things I’ve experienced on a fairly regular basis.

1. “How about a smile there?”

A woman fake smiling.
[Image Description: A woman fake smiling.] Via Giphy

Asking anyone to smile for you is unacceptable. But you can’t possibly expect me to work an eight-hour shift and continuously smile at every customer. Plus, it’s always men telling me to smile at the end of the shift when I’m at my crankiest. Take the hint guys, I just want to close up.

2. “Come here, hun.”

A woman making puking gestures with her hand.
[Image Description: A woman pretending to puke.] Via Giphy

I’m not hun, sweetie, babyface or any other creepy or derogatory nickname you make up for me. So please stop.

3. “A beer please”

A man making a confused expression as he lifts his hand.
[Image Description: Obama making a confused expression as he lifts his hand.] Via Giphy

Erm, there are 10 different beers behind the bar. Could you be a little more specific? K thanks.

4. “What do you earn per hour? I’ll pay you to stay open later.”

A woman singing the words "no. no. no."
[Image Description: Beyonce singing the words “no, no, no.”] Via Giphy

First, that’s illegal. And second, no, I straight up don’t want to. 

5. “I’m on their tab”

*Gestures arms somewhere*

A woman lifts her arms to ask "where".
[Image Description: A woman lifts her arms to ask “where?”] Via Giphy

They’d buy you a drink if they wanted to pay for you. And I don’t want to be blamed when this person looks at their hefty bill because of you.

6. *Waves money in your face wordlessly*

A woman laughs and says "wow".
[Image Description: A blonde woman laughs and says “wow.”] Via Giphy

Wow, I’m so impressed that you have real money. I’ll serve you instantly from now on.

7. “Here’s some cash. Can you split the rest of the bill between five different credit cards?”

Camera zooms into a man's annoyed face.
[Image Description: The camera zooms into a Justin Timberlake’s annoyed face.] Via Giphy

If this is you, PLEASE STOP. Why not run separate tabs? Do you know how difficult you’re making your bartender’s life when you run one tab with a group of friends that has to be split at the end?

8. “So, where’s your boyfriend?”

A woman rolls her eyes.
[Image Description: A woman rolls her eyes.] Via Giphy

This has zero to do with you or my bartending job.

9. “Put some music on.”

A woman puts her fingers on her temple in frustration.
[Image Description: A woman puts her fingers on her temples in frustration.] Via Giphy

This is often screamed across the bar. I am a bartender, not a DJ. I’d also be far more cooperative if customers asked me nicely or added a ‘please.’

10. “When can I see you on the other side of the bar?”

A woman shakes her head to say "no".
[Image Description: A dark haired woman shakes her head to say “no.”] Via Giphy

Never. And if I am on the other side of the bar, please don’t approach me.

Overall though, I am super thankful for the extra cash I’ve gotten from bartending, despite having my patience tested by customers.

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